Since we’re on the subject of things that are both real and totally awesome, we’ll move on to another subject – Wizards!
So you’re walking down the street and a wizard comes up to you with a proposition involving some money and his wand (no, not that kind of proposition). He can cast a spell that will make you instantly more attractive, and that the amount it will make you more attractive will be directly proportional to the amount of money you give him. You're skeptical, so he offers a demonstration. He points his wand at some random person walking by and says that he’s going to make that person $1 more attractive – you can quite tell what happened, but for some imperceptible reason, that person does seem a little more attractive. You can only use the spell once. How much money do you spend?
This is my first post done at the same time as the email version got sent out. You can respond either in the comments section or on the group email address. I'll get it either way.
P.S. I have strong desire not to be sued, so I feel the need to credit this question appropriately - the question is derived from Chuck Klostermann's "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs."
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
2.04: Most Of You Are Probably Already Zombie Food
thanks to all for what I believe is a record-setting number of responses.
Tim, you’re probably thinking too dramatically with the .50-cal mounted SUVs, but I like where your heads at. (Actually, cars are pretty much death traps when it comes to fighting zombies - you run over a couple and your suspension gets all jacked up, and then you're basically just canned food).
Tim, you’re actually by far the most likely of us to survive – Alaska will be one of the least affected places, based on the low population density and low temperatures (zombies don’t function well in the cold). Andrew, your place in Canada would be perfect as well – relatively self sustaining and up in the cold where Zack can’t follow. When the invasion comes, if I don't already have a boat and island lined up, I'll be making tracks for your place.
I like the island plan – zombies can move through the water, but we’d never really be based with vast herds of them like you can be subject to in a mainland-based fortress. The problem with the island is that you’d need to keep its existence quiet – there will be literally millions of people trying to survive in boats and such, and they’ll all be eyeing an island fortress with envy. One desperate boatload of people is more dangerous than a thousand zombies. I’d say the best plan would be to have a large speaker system that can project a zombie’s moan if boats get too close to the island, or even an isolated part of the island with a couple of zombies fenced in – an island fortress that’s already been overrun with zombies won’t be so tempting. Getting to the island is the tough part....
That said, I have my own slant on surviving a zombie invasion. Since we’re starting out right at the beginning of the Great Panic, most people still don’t know what’s going on or what to do. My rule of thumb is simple: whatever most people are doing, do the opposite. That is, if people are panicking and hitting the road in droves, I sit tight. They’ll all be clogging the roads, packed in like a buffet line for the zombie hoard. Meanwhile, I’ll be making daily (Day is better than night – zombies don’t rely on vision as much as humans do) forays out into the cities to collect the supplies that all the panic stricken people left behind. I can find a suitable high rise (suitable: a way of permanently rendering the stairs useless. I’ll be using the retractable fire escape) and make like I’m the last man in the world.
On the other hand, if everyone is just staying put waiting for instructions, I hit the nearest survival store and then hit the road, preferably with (as Nate pointed out) a small caliber rifle, a shovel (perfect for digging holes and bashing skulls) and a bike (it can outrun any zombie, gives you nearly unlimited maneuverability and doesn’t need gas. Plus, no one is going to try and murder you for it).Then I’ll be heading for wherever you guys are so we can make our escape to a suitably awesome fortress and/or island.
Of course, as a military guy, I’m probably stuck doing whatever they tell me to do. Then again, there are much worse places to be than an armor plated cruiser when the invasion comes.
Tim, you’re probably thinking too dramatically with the .50-cal mounted SUVs, but I like where your heads at. (Actually, cars are pretty much death traps when it comes to fighting zombies - you run over a couple and your suspension gets all jacked up, and then you're basically just canned food).
Tim, you’re actually by far the most likely of us to survive – Alaska will be one of the least affected places, based on the low population density and low temperatures (zombies don’t function well in the cold). Andrew, your place in Canada would be perfect as well – relatively self sustaining and up in the cold where Zack can’t follow. When the invasion comes, if I don't already have a boat and island lined up, I'll be making tracks for your place.
I like the island plan – zombies can move through the water, but we’d never really be based with vast herds of them like you can be subject to in a mainland-based fortress. The problem with the island is that you’d need to keep its existence quiet – there will be literally millions of people trying to survive in boats and such, and they’ll all be eyeing an island fortress with envy. One desperate boatload of people is more dangerous than a thousand zombies. I’d say the best plan would be to have a large speaker system that can project a zombie’s moan if boats get too close to the island, or even an isolated part of the island with a couple of zombies fenced in – an island fortress that’s already been overrun with zombies won’t be so tempting. Getting to the island is the tough part....
That said, I have my own slant on surviving a zombie invasion. Since we’re starting out right at the beginning of the Great Panic, most people still don’t know what’s going on or what to do. My rule of thumb is simple: whatever most people are doing, do the opposite. That is, if people are panicking and hitting the road in droves, I sit tight. They’ll all be clogging the roads, packed in like a buffet line for the zombie hoard. Meanwhile, I’ll be making daily (Day is better than night – zombies don’t rely on vision as much as humans do) forays out into the cities to collect the supplies that all the panic stricken people left behind. I can find a suitable high rise (suitable: a way of permanently rendering the stairs useless. I’ll be using the retractable fire escape) and make like I’m the last man in the world.
On the other hand, if everyone is just staying put waiting for instructions, I hit the nearest survival store and then hit the road, preferably with (as Nate pointed out) a small caliber rifle, a shovel (perfect for digging holes and bashing skulls) and a bike (it can outrun any zombie, gives you nearly unlimited maneuverability and doesn’t need gas. Plus, no one is going to try and murder you for it).Then I’ll be heading for wherever you guys are so we can make our escape to a suitably awesome fortress and/or island.
Of course, as a military guy, I’m probably stuck doing whatever they tell me to do. Then again, there are much worse places to be than an armor plated cruiser when the invasion comes.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
2.04: The Only Logical Follow-up Question I Could Come Up With
OK, so I've done a sex question. I've done charity. I've done sex. v. charity. From here, there's really only one place to go.
Zombies.
That's right, the undead. Motherfucking Zombies. You're sitting at home and see on TV that there is a full-fledged, Dawn of the Dead style zombie invasion breaking out throughout the country (Note 1). They are slow and stupid(a la Night of the Living Dead as opposed to 28 Days later), but when they bite you, you become one. The only way to kill them is by destroying the brain. What do you do? Where do you go? Obviously, this is very dependent on each individual, but it's worth thinking about, because the invasion is coming. Assume that there are only scattered reports of zombies in your specific city, but you know that theit numbers are growing every day. What's your plan to survive?
NOTE 1: For those who have read "World War Z", assume you're at the beginning of the Great Panic. For those who haven't, get off your ass and read this kick-ass book.
Zombies.
That's right, the undead. Motherfucking Zombies. You're sitting at home and see on TV that there is a full-fledged, Dawn of the Dead style zombie invasion breaking out throughout the country (Note 1). They are slow and stupid(a la Night of the Living Dead as opposed to 28 Days later), but when they bite you, you become one. The only way to kill them is by destroying the brain. What do you do? Where do you go? Obviously, this is very dependent on each individual, but it's worth thinking about, because the invasion is coming. Assume that there are only scattered reports of zombies in your specific city, but you know that theit numbers are growing every day. What's your plan to survive?
NOTE 1: For those who have read "World War Z", assume you're at the beginning of the Great Panic. For those who haven't, get off your ass and read this kick-ass book.
2.03: The Box....Says No
And you guys continue to entertain me by taking my question in way different directions than I originally intended. My original intent was just to pose the question "Would you forsake personal pleasure for the sake of an unknown stranger?" However, your answers were awesome, so I'll deal with them:
Well gosh Ben, I have my wildest sexual fantasies fulfilled every day, so I suppose I'd be fairly selfish to not push the other button, wouldn't I?
Touche, Andrew. Touche. Nate posed a number of question, which I hadn't really thought of the answers to. His questions are in blue, my answers are in black:
1. Can anyone else push the button? If so, does the button pusher get the reward? No, the button is just for you.
2. How does the sexual fantasy specifically work? Does time stop as you are transported/participating in the fantasy? Like If I pressed the button am I magically transported to a Caribbean island with fantasy females, then magically transported back without time passing? or through magical coincidences does the fantasy evolve throughout the day..Like on my way to work in the rain does the Victoria Secrets Angels buss stop to give me a lift to work? The second one - in the course of the day, coincidences evolve throughout the day. It's like a sexy version of those movies where people that cheat death die in rediculous Rube-Goldberg-esque contraptions of everyday materials. I've forgotten the name, but it's Final something or other.
3. Do fantasy partners remember said fantasy after the fact? Am I the only one aware of the fantasy occurring? That's part of the fantasy - if it's your fantasy to have sex with 10 supermodels during halftime of the Super Bowl with everyone watching so you can brag about it later, then people know. If your fantasy is to have anonymous sex in a janitor's closet, then no, no one knows about it.
4. Can diseases be transmitted during a fantasy? See above - if your fantasy is getting AIDS, then yes. If not, then no.
5. Can children be conceived during a fantasy? See above.
6. If said fantasy involves a marathon session, is the participant tired, hungery and unproductive once back in reality? IT'S A FANTASY GODDAMIT
7. Can I push the fantasy button without bad consequences occurring?I'm not sure I understand the question.
8. Can the genie please not be Tom Cruise? The girl from I Dream of Genie would be much appreciated. To be fair, the Genie was never Tom Cruise, it was just Tom Cruise as a channel for the spirt of L. Ron Hubbard. Your going to have to push the button to get the girl from I Dream of Genie. Greg came up with a clever, but ultimately doomed plan:
Then, I would bridge the two connections together, so no matter which button I pushed, they would simultaneously be activated. Problem solved, everyone wins. If this proved to fail, I would probably be more inclined to save people more than push the fantasy button...It's easier to get laid than cure AIDS/cancer/herpes/scientology, etc.
The first button has an action "Fulfill sexual fantasy" and a subject "You" associated with it. The second button has an action "Change disease state" and a subject "Some random guy". By scrambling the circuits, you get two new possible results: "Change disease state" and "You" OR "Fulfill sexual fantasy" and "some random guy".
Basically, either you get infected with whatever disease some random person has, or some random guy with a disease gets to live out your sexual fantasy. Not a recommended course of action. Of course, it’s possible that the button could REALLY scramble the circuits, and YOU end up having sex with some random guy with a disease. Bummer.
Steve's answer was good, but had some ambiguity that's important to resolve:
Alternate daily...maybe.
In which direction does that "maybe" run?
2.03: Sex v. Charity
On the Friday after my charity question, there had been officially no responses, so I was busy thinking up a clever way of mocking you all for having a one-track mind. I can't do that anymore, but I can use the question that I came up with, because it's a good one. So here's my sex v. changing the world question:
A genie/angel/Tom Cruise comes to you in the middle of the night and hands you a box, with two buttons on it. They tell you that each day, you can press one of the buttons. If you hit the first button, you will have one of your wildest sexual fantasies fulfilled by the person of your choice that day. If you hit the second button, one random person somewhere around the world will be miraculously cured of a disease- you'll never find out who or get to meet them, but they will be cured. Which button do you press? Do you press the same one every day, or do you allow yourself a treat now and then? How would you justify either choice?
A genie/angel/Tom Cruise comes to you in the middle of the night and hands you a box, with two buttons on it. They tell you that each day, you can press one of the buttons. If you hit the first button, you will have one of your wildest sexual fantasies fulfilled by the person of your choice that day. If you hit the second button, one random person somewhere around the world will be miraculously cured of a disease- you'll never find out who or get to meet them, but they will be cured. Which button do you press? Do you press the same one every day, or do you allow yourself a treat now and then? How would you justify either choice?
2.02: Let's face it, in real like, you'd probably blow all the money on lottery tickets
I'll start with my answer to this question:
I would put the money towards providing fresh water throughout the world. It's a relatively simple thing, but lack of clean water kills millions of people a year - and the sad part is there's absolutely no technological barriers preventing us from fixing the problem. It's not like AIDS or some other disease where there's no way of knowing how much money it could eventually cost - we have the technology to provide water to the world, just not the will or the dollars.
However most of you came up with awesome answers as well. Some highlights:
Kristin:
Definitely going to have to agree with an episode of West Wing on this one... transportation infrastructure in developing countries. it does the following (my reasons, not west wing): 1. encourages intelligent urban planning, ie no urban sprawl/opportunities for slums, both of which are huge problems in latin america, asia, and africa. 2. being able to travel easily and reliably is necessary for economic growth, political stability, and required for and kind of health infrastructure.
Steve (with a second from Nate):
Steve: Public education. Not just throw money at it, either. I mean totally re-structure (and enforce) national curriculums, college entrance standards, standardized testing, the works.
Nate:
I would start an endowment for the U.S. public education system. A cool $100 Billion would be a solid start for an endowment. The endowment would have a non-for-profit status, allowing donations to be tax deductible. We would have to steal some of endowment management techniques and personel from Harvard, Yale...etc in order to generate the kinds of returns we would need. The average endowment return last year was 16%...not too shabby. Yale achieved the highest reutrn of 28%.
The only challenge would be how to allocate the funds appropriatly. This could be impossible, but since this is the question of the week, it is possible. I picked education because it is the only investment that will beat the "market" consistently over the long run. Not only is education a market better, some studies have found an educated public generates exponential like returns.
And for bringing the funny, Rachael gets honorable mention as well:
I think with the money I would build a giant dance floor over part of the Pacific Ocean and hold a worldwide dance party. I'd play some Jesse's Girl... perhaps some Bon Jovi? It doesn't matter, everyone would get their chance on the giant sound system. I mean, who can be angry while listening to Rick Springfield? The answer is no one. And there you go... world peace. :o)
I would put the money towards providing fresh water throughout the world. It's a relatively simple thing, but lack of clean water kills millions of people a year - and the sad part is there's absolutely no technological barriers preventing us from fixing the problem. It's not like AIDS or some other disease where there's no way of knowing how much money it could eventually cost - we have the technology to provide water to the world, just not the will or the dollars.
However most of you came up with awesome answers as well. Some highlights:
Kristin:
Definitely going to have to agree with an episode of West Wing on this one... transportation infrastructure in developing countries. it does the following (my reasons, not west wing): 1. encourages intelligent urban planning, ie no urban sprawl/opportunities for slums, both of which are huge problems in latin america, asia, and africa. 2. being able to travel easily and reliably is necessary for economic growth, political stability, and required for and kind of health infrastructure.
Steve (with a second from Nate):
Steve: Public education. Not just throw money at it, either. I mean totally re-structure (and enforce) national curriculums, college entrance standards, standardized testing, the works.
Nate:
I would start an endowment for the U.S. public education system. A cool $100 Billion would be a solid start for an endowment. The endowment would have a non-for-profit status, allowing donations to be tax deductible. We would have to steal some of endowment management techniques and personel from Harvard, Yale...etc in order to generate the kinds of returns we would need. The average endowment return last year was 16%...not too shabby. Yale achieved the highest reutrn of 28%.
The only challenge would be how to allocate the funds appropriatly. This could be impossible, but since this is the question of the week, it is possible. I picked education because it is the only investment that will beat the "market" consistently over the long run. Not only is education a market better, some studies have found an educated public generates exponential like returns.
And for bringing the funny, Rachael gets honorable mention as well:
I think with the money I would build a giant dance floor over part of the Pacific Ocean and hold a worldwide dance party. I'd play some Jesse's Girl... perhaps some Bon Jovi? It doesn't matter, everyone would get their chance on the giant sound system. I mean, who can be angry while listening to Rick Springfield? The answer is no one. And there you go... world peace. :o)
2.02: Choose Your Own Adventure: Bill Gates edition
And so we move from the rediculous to the sublime, and I'll ask a more serious question, but I think it's an interesting question, so here goes.
Through some zany hijinks and cases of mistaken identity, you find yourself at the head of the Gates Foundation, a charity worth billions of dollars. You get to pick one national or global problem, and those billions of dollars will be devoted to solving that problem. What cause would you choose to support and why?
Through some zany hijinks and cases of mistaken identity, you find yourself at the head of the Gates Foundation, a charity worth billions of dollars. You get to pick one national or global problem, and those billions of dollars will be devoted to solving that problem. What cause would you choose to support and why?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)