Since we’re on the subject of things that are both real and totally awesome, we’ll move on to another subject – Wizards!
So you’re walking down the street and a wizard comes up to you with a proposition involving some money and his wand (no, not that kind of proposition). He can cast a spell that will make you instantly more attractive, and that the amount it will make you more attractive will be directly proportional to the amount of money you give him. You're skeptical, so he offers a demonstration. He points his wand at some random person walking by and says that he’s going to make that person $1 more attractive – you can quite tell what happened, but for some imperceptible reason, that person does seem a little more attractive. You can only use the spell once. How much money do you spend?
This is my first post done at the same time as the email version got sent out. You can respond either in the comments section or on the group email address. I'll get it either way.
P.S. I have strong desire not to be sued, so I feel the need to credit this question appropriately - the question is derived from Chuck Klostermann's "Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs."
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
2.04: Most Of You Are Probably Already Zombie Food
thanks to all for what I believe is a record-setting number of responses.
Tim, you’re probably thinking too dramatically with the .50-cal mounted SUVs, but I like where your heads at. (Actually, cars are pretty much death traps when it comes to fighting zombies - you run over a couple and your suspension gets all jacked up, and then you're basically just canned food).
Tim, you’re actually by far the most likely of us to survive – Alaska will be one of the least affected places, based on the low population density and low temperatures (zombies don’t function well in the cold). Andrew, your place in Canada would be perfect as well – relatively self sustaining and up in the cold where Zack can’t follow. When the invasion comes, if I don't already have a boat and island lined up, I'll be making tracks for your place.
I like the island plan – zombies can move through the water, but we’d never really be based with vast herds of them like you can be subject to in a mainland-based fortress. The problem with the island is that you’d need to keep its existence quiet – there will be literally millions of people trying to survive in boats and such, and they’ll all be eyeing an island fortress with envy. One desperate boatload of people is more dangerous than a thousand zombies. I’d say the best plan would be to have a large speaker system that can project a zombie’s moan if boats get too close to the island, or even an isolated part of the island with a couple of zombies fenced in – an island fortress that’s already been overrun with zombies won’t be so tempting. Getting to the island is the tough part....
That said, I have my own slant on surviving a zombie invasion. Since we’re starting out right at the beginning of the Great Panic, most people still don’t know what’s going on or what to do. My rule of thumb is simple: whatever most people are doing, do the opposite. That is, if people are panicking and hitting the road in droves, I sit tight. They’ll all be clogging the roads, packed in like a buffet line for the zombie hoard. Meanwhile, I’ll be making daily (Day is better than night – zombies don’t rely on vision as much as humans do) forays out into the cities to collect the supplies that all the panic stricken people left behind. I can find a suitable high rise (suitable: a way of permanently rendering the stairs useless. I’ll be using the retractable fire escape) and make like I’m the last man in the world.
On the other hand, if everyone is just staying put waiting for instructions, I hit the nearest survival store and then hit the road, preferably with (as Nate pointed out) a small caliber rifle, a shovel (perfect for digging holes and bashing skulls) and a bike (it can outrun any zombie, gives you nearly unlimited maneuverability and doesn’t need gas. Plus, no one is going to try and murder you for it).Then I’ll be heading for wherever you guys are so we can make our escape to a suitably awesome fortress and/or island.
Of course, as a military guy, I’m probably stuck doing whatever they tell me to do. Then again, there are much worse places to be than an armor plated cruiser when the invasion comes.
Tim, you’re probably thinking too dramatically with the .50-cal mounted SUVs, but I like where your heads at. (Actually, cars are pretty much death traps when it comes to fighting zombies - you run over a couple and your suspension gets all jacked up, and then you're basically just canned food).
Tim, you’re actually by far the most likely of us to survive – Alaska will be one of the least affected places, based on the low population density and low temperatures (zombies don’t function well in the cold). Andrew, your place in Canada would be perfect as well – relatively self sustaining and up in the cold where Zack can’t follow. When the invasion comes, if I don't already have a boat and island lined up, I'll be making tracks for your place.
I like the island plan – zombies can move through the water, but we’d never really be based with vast herds of them like you can be subject to in a mainland-based fortress. The problem with the island is that you’d need to keep its existence quiet – there will be literally millions of people trying to survive in boats and such, and they’ll all be eyeing an island fortress with envy. One desperate boatload of people is more dangerous than a thousand zombies. I’d say the best plan would be to have a large speaker system that can project a zombie’s moan if boats get too close to the island, or even an isolated part of the island with a couple of zombies fenced in – an island fortress that’s already been overrun with zombies won’t be so tempting. Getting to the island is the tough part....
That said, I have my own slant on surviving a zombie invasion. Since we’re starting out right at the beginning of the Great Panic, most people still don’t know what’s going on or what to do. My rule of thumb is simple: whatever most people are doing, do the opposite. That is, if people are panicking and hitting the road in droves, I sit tight. They’ll all be clogging the roads, packed in like a buffet line for the zombie hoard. Meanwhile, I’ll be making daily (Day is better than night – zombies don’t rely on vision as much as humans do) forays out into the cities to collect the supplies that all the panic stricken people left behind. I can find a suitable high rise (suitable: a way of permanently rendering the stairs useless. I’ll be using the retractable fire escape) and make like I’m the last man in the world.
On the other hand, if everyone is just staying put waiting for instructions, I hit the nearest survival store and then hit the road, preferably with (as Nate pointed out) a small caliber rifle, a shovel (perfect for digging holes and bashing skulls) and a bike (it can outrun any zombie, gives you nearly unlimited maneuverability and doesn’t need gas. Plus, no one is going to try and murder you for it).Then I’ll be heading for wherever you guys are so we can make our escape to a suitably awesome fortress and/or island.
Of course, as a military guy, I’m probably stuck doing whatever they tell me to do. Then again, there are much worse places to be than an armor plated cruiser when the invasion comes.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
2.04: The Only Logical Follow-up Question I Could Come Up With
OK, so I've done a sex question. I've done charity. I've done sex. v. charity. From here, there's really only one place to go.
Zombies.
That's right, the undead. Motherfucking Zombies. You're sitting at home and see on TV that there is a full-fledged, Dawn of the Dead style zombie invasion breaking out throughout the country (Note 1). They are slow and stupid(a la Night of the Living Dead as opposed to 28 Days later), but when they bite you, you become one. The only way to kill them is by destroying the brain. What do you do? Where do you go? Obviously, this is very dependent on each individual, but it's worth thinking about, because the invasion is coming. Assume that there are only scattered reports of zombies in your specific city, but you know that theit numbers are growing every day. What's your plan to survive?
NOTE 1: For those who have read "World War Z", assume you're at the beginning of the Great Panic. For those who haven't, get off your ass and read this kick-ass book.
Zombies.
That's right, the undead. Motherfucking Zombies. You're sitting at home and see on TV that there is a full-fledged, Dawn of the Dead style zombie invasion breaking out throughout the country (Note 1). They are slow and stupid(a la Night of the Living Dead as opposed to 28 Days later), but when they bite you, you become one. The only way to kill them is by destroying the brain. What do you do? Where do you go? Obviously, this is very dependent on each individual, but it's worth thinking about, because the invasion is coming. Assume that there are only scattered reports of zombies in your specific city, but you know that theit numbers are growing every day. What's your plan to survive?
NOTE 1: For those who have read "World War Z", assume you're at the beginning of the Great Panic. For those who haven't, get off your ass and read this kick-ass book.
2.03: The Box....Says No
And you guys continue to entertain me by taking my question in way different directions than I originally intended. My original intent was just to pose the question "Would you forsake personal pleasure for the sake of an unknown stranger?" However, your answers were awesome, so I'll deal with them:
Well gosh Ben, I have my wildest sexual fantasies fulfilled every day, so I suppose I'd be fairly selfish to not push the other button, wouldn't I?
Touche, Andrew. Touche. Nate posed a number of question, which I hadn't really thought of the answers to. His questions are in blue, my answers are in black:
1. Can anyone else push the button? If so, does the button pusher get the reward? No, the button is just for you.
2. How does the sexual fantasy specifically work? Does time stop as you are transported/participating in the fantasy? Like If I pressed the button am I magically transported to a Caribbean island with fantasy females, then magically transported back without time passing? or through magical coincidences does the fantasy evolve throughout the day..Like on my way to work in the rain does the Victoria Secrets Angels buss stop to give me a lift to work? The second one - in the course of the day, coincidences evolve throughout the day. It's like a sexy version of those movies where people that cheat death die in rediculous Rube-Goldberg-esque contraptions of everyday materials. I've forgotten the name, but it's Final something or other.
3. Do fantasy partners remember said fantasy after the fact? Am I the only one aware of the fantasy occurring? That's part of the fantasy - if it's your fantasy to have sex with 10 supermodels during halftime of the Super Bowl with everyone watching so you can brag about it later, then people know. If your fantasy is to have anonymous sex in a janitor's closet, then no, no one knows about it.
4. Can diseases be transmitted during a fantasy? See above - if your fantasy is getting AIDS, then yes. If not, then no.
5. Can children be conceived during a fantasy? See above.
6. If said fantasy involves a marathon session, is the participant tired, hungery and unproductive once back in reality? IT'S A FANTASY GODDAMIT
7. Can I push the fantasy button without bad consequences occurring?I'm not sure I understand the question.
8. Can the genie please not be Tom Cruise? The girl from I Dream of Genie would be much appreciated. To be fair, the Genie was never Tom Cruise, it was just Tom Cruise as a channel for the spirt of L. Ron Hubbard. Your going to have to push the button to get the girl from I Dream of Genie. Greg came up with a clever, but ultimately doomed plan:
Then, I would bridge the two connections together, so no matter which button I pushed, they would simultaneously be activated. Problem solved, everyone wins. If this proved to fail, I would probably be more inclined to save people more than push the fantasy button...It's easier to get laid than cure AIDS/cancer/herpes/scientology, etc.
The first button has an action "Fulfill sexual fantasy" and a subject "You" associated with it. The second button has an action "Change disease state" and a subject "Some random guy". By scrambling the circuits, you get two new possible results: "Change disease state" and "You" OR "Fulfill sexual fantasy" and "some random guy".
Basically, either you get infected with whatever disease some random person has, or some random guy with a disease gets to live out your sexual fantasy. Not a recommended course of action. Of course, it’s possible that the button could REALLY scramble the circuits, and YOU end up having sex with some random guy with a disease. Bummer.
Steve's answer was good, but had some ambiguity that's important to resolve:
Alternate daily...maybe.
In which direction does that "maybe" run?
2.03: Sex v. Charity
On the Friday after my charity question, there had been officially no responses, so I was busy thinking up a clever way of mocking you all for having a one-track mind. I can't do that anymore, but I can use the question that I came up with, because it's a good one. So here's my sex v. changing the world question:
A genie/angel/Tom Cruise comes to you in the middle of the night and hands you a box, with two buttons on it. They tell you that each day, you can press one of the buttons. If you hit the first button, you will have one of your wildest sexual fantasies fulfilled by the person of your choice that day. If you hit the second button, one random person somewhere around the world will be miraculously cured of a disease- you'll never find out who or get to meet them, but they will be cured. Which button do you press? Do you press the same one every day, or do you allow yourself a treat now and then? How would you justify either choice?
A genie/angel/Tom Cruise comes to you in the middle of the night and hands you a box, with two buttons on it. They tell you that each day, you can press one of the buttons. If you hit the first button, you will have one of your wildest sexual fantasies fulfilled by the person of your choice that day. If you hit the second button, one random person somewhere around the world will be miraculously cured of a disease- you'll never find out who or get to meet them, but they will be cured. Which button do you press? Do you press the same one every day, or do you allow yourself a treat now and then? How would you justify either choice?
2.02: Let's face it, in real like, you'd probably blow all the money on lottery tickets
I'll start with my answer to this question:
I would put the money towards providing fresh water throughout the world. It's a relatively simple thing, but lack of clean water kills millions of people a year - and the sad part is there's absolutely no technological barriers preventing us from fixing the problem. It's not like AIDS or some other disease where there's no way of knowing how much money it could eventually cost - we have the technology to provide water to the world, just not the will or the dollars.
However most of you came up with awesome answers as well. Some highlights:
Kristin:
Definitely going to have to agree with an episode of West Wing on this one... transportation infrastructure in developing countries. it does the following (my reasons, not west wing): 1. encourages intelligent urban planning, ie no urban sprawl/opportunities for slums, both of which are huge problems in latin america, asia, and africa. 2. being able to travel easily and reliably is necessary for economic growth, political stability, and required for and kind of health infrastructure.
Steve (with a second from Nate):
Steve: Public education. Not just throw money at it, either. I mean totally re-structure (and enforce) national curriculums, college entrance standards, standardized testing, the works.
Nate:
I would start an endowment for the U.S. public education system. A cool $100 Billion would be a solid start for an endowment. The endowment would have a non-for-profit status, allowing donations to be tax deductible. We would have to steal some of endowment management techniques and personel from Harvard, Yale...etc in order to generate the kinds of returns we would need. The average endowment return last year was 16%...not too shabby. Yale achieved the highest reutrn of 28%.
The only challenge would be how to allocate the funds appropriatly. This could be impossible, but since this is the question of the week, it is possible. I picked education because it is the only investment that will beat the "market" consistently over the long run. Not only is education a market better, some studies have found an educated public generates exponential like returns.
And for bringing the funny, Rachael gets honorable mention as well:
I think with the money I would build a giant dance floor over part of the Pacific Ocean and hold a worldwide dance party. I'd play some Jesse's Girl... perhaps some Bon Jovi? It doesn't matter, everyone would get their chance on the giant sound system. I mean, who can be angry while listening to Rick Springfield? The answer is no one. And there you go... world peace. :o)
I would put the money towards providing fresh water throughout the world. It's a relatively simple thing, but lack of clean water kills millions of people a year - and the sad part is there's absolutely no technological barriers preventing us from fixing the problem. It's not like AIDS or some other disease where there's no way of knowing how much money it could eventually cost - we have the technology to provide water to the world, just not the will or the dollars.
However most of you came up with awesome answers as well. Some highlights:
Kristin:
Definitely going to have to agree with an episode of West Wing on this one... transportation infrastructure in developing countries. it does the following (my reasons, not west wing): 1. encourages intelligent urban planning, ie no urban sprawl/opportunities for slums, both of which are huge problems in latin america, asia, and africa. 2. being able to travel easily and reliably is necessary for economic growth, political stability, and required for and kind of health infrastructure.
Steve (with a second from Nate):
Steve: Public education. Not just throw money at it, either. I mean totally re-structure (and enforce) national curriculums, college entrance standards, standardized testing, the works.
Nate:
I would start an endowment for the U.S. public education system. A cool $100 Billion would be a solid start for an endowment. The endowment would have a non-for-profit status, allowing donations to be tax deductible. We would have to steal some of endowment management techniques and personel from Harvard, Yale...etc in order to generate the kinds of returns we would need. The average endowment return last year was 16%...not too shabby. Yale achieved the highest reutrn of 28%.
The only challenge would be how to allocate the funds appropriatly. This could be impossible, but since this is the question of the week, it is possible. I picked education because it is the only investment that will beat the "market" consistently over the long run. Not only is education a market better, some studies have found an educated public generates exponential like returns.
And for bringing the funny, Rachael gets honorable mention as well:
I think with the money I would build a giant dance floor over part of the Pacific Ocean and hold a worldwide dance party. I'd play some Jesse's Girl... perhaps some Bon Jovi? It doesn't matter, everyone would get their chance on the giant sound system. I mean, who can be angry while listening to Rick Springfield? The answer is no one. And there you go... world peace. :o)
2.02: Choose Your Own Adventure: Bill Gates edition
And so we move from the rediculous to the sublime, and I'll ask a more serious question, but I think it's an interesting question, so here goes.
Through some zany hijinks and cases of mistaken identity, you find yourself at the head of the Gates Foundation, a charity worth billions of dollars. You get to pick one national or global problem, and those billions of dollars will be devoted to solving that problem. What cause would you choose to support and why?
Through some zany hijinks and cases of mistaken identity, you find yourself at the head of the Gates Foundation, a charity worth billions of dollars. You get to pick one national or global problem, and those billions of dollars will be devoted to solving that problem. What cause would you choose to support and why?
2.01: None of you can keep a secret
Thanks to everyone for some good responses! I discovered that under no circumstances should I ever, ever, hook up with someone randomly and then let you walk in and see me. NEVER. Because you'll tell.
Some highlight responses:
First I'd like to respond to Greg, who said:
By the way, Ben, couldn't you have just said you SAW an opened condom wrapper on
the floor? That just goes beyond creepy that you would get that close to look.
I'd like to make it clear that by my original question *I* didn't get close enough to look - *YOU* - as in whoever is reading the email, got close enough to look. Ergo, when Greg was responding to my email, *HE* got close enough to tell that one of his friends was using a condom while having anonymous, drunken sex on some poor person's bed (and lots of poor people's coats). I'll let you all pass judgment appropriately.
Second, I'd like to give the "Oh God, I don't know what that means, but I have a pretty good idea, and I'm just as happy not knowing for sure" award to none other than Steve Unwin. You're an example for us all (*Note: I didn't see what *kind* of example you make for us all, but it's definitely an example of SOMETHING).
Well shit, Ben. Considering this is happening at a party, and I'm getting ready to leave, we can assume I'm utterly fucksmashed and riding an ego-high off of a 10 game beer pong winning streak. That being said, I would first assess if the couple were freaky enough to consider some chinese finger trap action, if so, we're all winners(god, I love the theatre). If not, I ninja my way out of the room, coat in hand, and tell everybody heedless of the potential consequences, realizing the next day what an asshole thing I'd done and probably feeling...well...slightly guilty. but only a little bit...It's just fucking, people, get over it.
Yes I know I directly contradicted ben's set up (taking it easy, only having a few beers), but cmon. this is me we're talking about.
But the prize goes to a late entrance, Dan Berger. He begins by showing suitable enthusiasm for the triumphant return of QOTW (yes, "Hooray" is the appropriate response).
Hooray! More question of the week!
Well this is a delicate situation, and I think I can answer both questions in the same exciting scenario:
I would wait until all three friends are in the same room. Then I'd say "Hey friend1, you'll never guess who saw friend2 and friend3 doing it in your bed!"
And friend1 would say "Who Berger who?"
And I'd say "It was lovable old Berger!" After the shocked expressions arise on friend2's and 3's faces, I'd say:
"Haha, I got you guys good. But seriously, you were really going at it. On his bed. When you were too drunk to remember. Here's photographs as proof. Well, see ya!"
Then I'd go and look for new friends.
Thanks to all for the great responses!
Some highlight responses:
First I'd like to respond to Greg, who said:
By the way, Ben, couldn't you have just said you SAW an opened condom wrapper on
the floor? That just goes beyond creepy that you would get that close to look.
I'd like to make it clear that by my original question *I* didn't get close enough to look - *YOU* - as in whoever is reading the email, got close enough to look. Ergo, when Greg was responding to my email, *HE* got close enough to tell that one of his friends was using a condom while having anonymous, drunken sex on some poor person's bed (and lots of poor people's coats). I'll let you all pass judgment appropriately.
Second, I'd like to give the "Oh God, I don't know what that means, but I have a pretty good idea, and I'm just as happy not knowing for sure" award to none other than Steve Unwin. You're an example for us all (*Note: I didn't see what *kind* of example you make for us all, but it's definitely an example of SOMETHING).
Well shit, Ben. Considering this is happening at a party, and I'm getting ready to leave, we can assume I'm utterly fucksmashed and riding an ego-high off of a 10 game beer pong winning streak. That being said, I would first assess if the couple were freaky enough to consider some chinese finger trap action, if so, we're all winners(god, I love the theatre). If not, I ninja my way out of the room, coat in hand, and tell everybody heedless of the potential consequences, realizing the next day what an asshole thing I'd done and probably feeling...well...slightly guilty. but only a little bit...It's just fucking, people, get over it.
Yes I know I directly contradicted ben's set up (taking it easy, only having a few beers), but cmon. this is me we're talking about.
But the prize goes to a late entrance, Dan Berger. He begins by showing suitable enthusiasm for the triumphant return of QOTW (yes, "Hooray" is the appropriate response).
Hooray! More question of the week!
Well this is a delicate situation, and I think I can answer both questions in the same exciting scenario:
I would wait until all three friends are in the same room. Then I'd say "Hey friend1, you'll never guess who saw friend2 and friend3 doing it in your bed!"
And friend1 would say "Who Berger who?"
And I'd say "It was lovable old Berger!" After the shocked expressions arise on friend2's and 3's faces, I'd say:
"Haha, I got you guys good. But seriously, you were really going at it. On his bed. When you were too drunk to remember. Here's photographs as proof. Well, see ya!"
Then I'd go and look for new friends.
Thanks to all for the great responses!
2.01: QOTW Strikes Back!
In response to the public clamor for more annoying emails from me, I'm bringing back the Question of the Week- I'm going to try and keep it going each week for 2008, we'll see if I can pull it off.
I had two questions in mind for this week. I was going to start with the serious one. We're all a year older, a year wiser, a year more mature. I figured I wanted to start the year off right, set the tone for a greater tomorrow. Then I realized that this is America, dammit, and I have an audience to consider.
So here's a question about sex:
So you're at a party with all of your friends at one of your friend's house. You're having a great time, drinking a few beers, but taking it easy. It's getting late, so you go to get your jacket, which you had put in the host's bedroom during the party. You walk in and turn on the lights to find your jacket. As your eyes adjust, you see two of your best friends (one male, one female) having sex on top of the hosts bed, all over the jackets that people had left there. Yours has been thrown off the bed, so you grab it and make a quick escape.
You later find out that the two had been completely, utterly wasted. When they were done, they parted ways AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MEMORY OR KNOWLEDGE OF IT. They aren't dating, and as far as you know, have no interest in dating. They used protection (yeah, you got close enough to tell. It was gross.), so you know there's little chance of STDs/pregnancy.
Two part question:
1. Do you tell them? If you don't, they will likely never find out.
2. Do you tell the friend whose bed just got utterly violated?
I had two questions in mind for this week. I was going to start with the serious one. We're all a year older, a year wiser, a year more mature. I figured I wanted to start the year off right, set the tone for a greater tomorrow. Then I realized that this is America, dammit, and I have an audience to consider.
So here's a question about sex:
So you're at a party with all of your friends at one of your friend's house. You're having a great time, drinking a few beers, but taking it easy. It's getting late, so you go to get your jacket, which you had put in the host's bedroom during the party. You walk in and turn on the lights to find your jacket. As your eyes adjust, you see two of your best friends (one male, one female) having sex on top of the hosts bed, all over the jackets that people had left there. Yours has been thrown off the bed, so you grab it and make a quick escape.
You later find out that the two had been completely, utterly wasted. When they were done, they parted ways AND HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MEMORY OR KNOWLEDGE OF IT. They aren't dating, and as far as you know, have no interest in dating. They used protection (yeah, you got close enough to tell. It was gross.), so you know there's little chance of STDs/pregnancy.
Two part question:
1. Do you tell them? If you don't, they will likely never find out.
2. Do you tell the friend whose bed just got utterly violated?
The Question that Killed QOTW (or at least put it into a coma)
When I was a wee lad, I had a habit of "derailing the joke train". Charlie and Sam would mock me mercilessly for coming in to late to a joke and ruining it with a particularly bad attempt at the joke. While I've since overcome this problem to become the endlessly charming and witty young man you all know and love, it raises the question for this week:
If you start to tell a story, and realize that it's not going to work at all, and that the entire room is just going to stare at you after you're done, do you keep going with the story, or do you bail?
Post-script- Ironically enough, it was this question that derailed the QOTW joke - I got so insanely busy for a while that I just didn't get around to it, and then I just kind of forgot about it. Also, I only got like two responses. But Berger's was awesome, so he's getting some much-deserved credit, albeit a little late:
I immediately stop my current story line, and finish with "And I returned his artificial heart, and ever since then I've been known as 'Honest Berger' ".
If you start to tell a story, and realize that it's not going to work at all, and that the entire room is just going to stare at you after you're done, do you keep going with the story, or do you bail?
Post-script- Ironically enough, it was this question that derailed the QOTW joke - I got so insanely busy for a while that I just didn't get around to it, and then I just kind of forgot about it. Also, I only got like two responses. But Berger's was awesome, so he's getting some much-deserved credit, albeit a little late:
I immediately stop my current story line, and finish with "And I returned his artificial heart, and ever since then I've been known as 'Honest Berger' ".
Two Buffets Enter, One Buffet Leaves
Results for QOTW #3:
I discovered two things after sending out this email: First, that my parents don't appreciate emails titled "The Time I Almost Died" and that a hell of a lot of you don't know who Warren Buffet is. Nonetheless, got some excellent responses. Some highlights:
From Charlie:
Warren can lead a normal life if he wants to and could walk along a normal city-block ignored by all but the investing elite. Jimmy would get hassled if he wanted to buy rolling papers at a 7-eleven.
From Dan Berger:
I'm not saying that Warren Buffet neccesarily associates with hitmen, but let's just not rule that out, ok?
However, the prize winner this week is, hands down, the one and only Nathan. It turns out that Nathan has a knowledge of the two men that can only be described in two words: "Fucking creepy" (credit to Steve for that observation). Without further ado, Nathan's response:
Jimmy's Upsides
- Spends most of his year on St. Barts
- Has been shot down in his sea plane by the Jamaican Navy for
smuggling Mary Jane
- Is one of seven authors to reach No. 1 on both the New York Times
Bestseller fiction and non-fiction list. Others include Hemingway,
Steinbeck and Dr. Seuss.
- Gets to wear flip-flops to work
Jimmy's Downsides
- He has multiple addiction problems. He's addictions to Rum is
actually an upside.
- Lived as a street singer for a number of years
Warren's Upsides
- He plays bridge with Bill Gates and others
- Had a wife and a mistress at the same time. His wife lived in San
Fran, while his mistress, who his wife actually introduced him to
lived in Omaha. All three signed family x-mas cards.
- Gave none of his money to his kids. He lived modestly, so he
thought his kids should as well. (actually gave them money to attend
college and such, then gave them each a huge charitable trust to run)
Warren's Downsides
- He has spent basically all is life in Omaha
- Works constantly
- has a larger following then Jimmy
I discovered two things after sending out this email: First, that my parents don't appreciate emails titled "The Time I Almost Died" and that a hell of a lot of you don't know who Warren Buffet is. Nonetheless, got some excellent responses. Some highlights:
From Charlie:
Warren can lead a normal life if he wants to and could walk along a normal city-block ignored by all but the investing elite. Jimmy would get hassled if he wanted to buy rolling papers at a 7-eleven.
From Dan Berger:
I'm not saying that Warren Buffet neccesarily associates with hitmen, but let's just not rule that out, ok?
However, the prize winner this week is, hands down, the one and only Nathan. It turns out that Nathan has a knowledge of the two men that can only be described in two words: "Fucking creepy" (credit to Steve for that observation). Without further ado, Nathan's response:
Jimmy's Upsides
- Spends most of his year on St. Barts
- Has been shot down in his sea plane by the Jamaican Navy for
smuggling Mary Jane
- Is one of seven authors to reach No. 1 on both the New York Times
Bestseller fiction and non-fiction list. Others include Hemingway,
Steinbeck and Dr. Seuss.
- Gets to wear flip-flops to work
Jimmy's Downsides
- He has multiple addiction problems. He's addictions to Rum is
actually an upside.
- Lived as a street singer for a number of years
Warren's Upsides
- He plays bridge with Bill Gates and others
- Had a wife and a mistress at the same time. His wife lived in San
Fran, while his mistress, who his wife actually introduced him to
lived in Omaha. All three signed family x-mas cards.
- Gave none of his money to his kids. He lived modestly, so he
thought his kids should as well. (actually gave them money to attend
college and such, then gave them each a huge charitable trust to run)
Warren's Downsides
- He has spent basically all is life in Omaha
- Works constantly
- has a larger following then Jimmy
Question of the Week #3
Turnout for question #2 was dissapointing - that said, the question was pretty weak, and didn't open itself up for humor quite as much as the last one. I shall resolve to improve for this week's question.
Question of the week #3: Whose life would you rather have led - Jimmy Buffet or Warren Buffet? Warren Buffet is, of course, insanely wealthy and successful, but worked god-only-knows how hard in the cutthroat world of finance. Jimmy Buffet, on the other hand, is only extremely rich, instead of galactically rich. That said, he got to where he is mostly be smoking pot and playing the guitar to crowds of drunk people in Hawaiian shirts. I will also accept submissions for any other Buffets of note. Keep in mind, I'm not asking who you would rather BE - it's whose life you would rather have led.
Question of the week #3: Whose life would you rather have led - Jimmy Buffet or Warren Buffet? Warren Buffet is, of course, insanely wealthy and successful, but worked god-only-knows how hard in the cutthroat world of finance. Jimmy Buffet, on the other hand, is only extremely rich, instead of galactically rich. That said, he got to where he is mostly be smoking pot and playing the guitar to crowds of drunk people in Hawaiian shirts. I will also accept submissions for any other Buffets of note. Keep in mind, I'm not asking who you would rather BE - it's whose life you would rather have led.
Harry Potter and the Second Question of the Week
As many of you know, I recently read and finished the last Harry Potter book. Since I'm at sea, I didn't have access to a hard copy, and read an electronic copy that had leaked onto the internet a few days before the book came out. The copy I recieved turned out to be real - aside from a couple of typos, the leaked copy was identical to the real book. However, imagine that things had gone a little differently - what if the supposedly "leaked" copy of Book 7 was really just extremely well written fan-fiction? Would it matter that the ending hadn't been written by the original author? What if the fake book was better than the real book? Discuss.
Canadian Football - Results
The answer to my Canadian Football themed question seemed to run along a few key lines:
1. People abusing the fact that they know they will be alive in 20 years by going out and fighting bears, cheating death, doing drugs, etc.
2. People who assume that watching the CFL is a sign of insanity
3. Arpan
4. People who wanted to avoid watching the CFL as a long as possible, despite their inevitable fate.
I'm going to give the prize this week to Pifry for summing up the last position via metaphor:
If it is inevitable that I will become a CFL fan in 20 years, starting to
watch it now would be a little like spending the week before your wedding
browsing antique and crafts fairs with an eye out for something to compliment
floral patterned wallpaper. Sure, I'm going to enjoy being married--just
as I apparently will enjoy being a Canadian Football Fan (please tell me that's
not code for "soccer")--but it doesn't mean I need to suffer the humiliation
associated of being caught skipping your bachelor party to learn the definition
of, and shop for a, duvet cover...which is what starting to watch the CFL now
would be like.
1. People abusing the fact that they know they will be alive in 20 years by going out and fighting bears, cheating death, doing drugs, etc.
2. People who assume that watching the CFL is a sign of insanity
3. Arpan
4. People who wanted to avoid watching the CFL as a long as possible, despite their inevitable fate.
I'm going to give the prize this week to Pifry for summing up the last position via metaphor:
If it is inevitable that I will become a CFL fan in 20 years, starting to
watch it now would be a little like spending the week before your wedding
browsing antique and crafts fairs with an eye out for something to compliment
floral patterned wallpaper. Sure, I'm going to enjoy being married--just
as I apparently will enjoy being a Canadian Football Fan (please tell me that's
not code for "soccer")--but it doesn't mean I need to suffer the humiliation
associated of being caught skipping your bachelor party to learn the definition
of, and shop for a, duvet cover...which is what starting to watch the CFL now
would be like.
Question of the Week - First Blood
So I'm posting this way after the fact, but I figure it's worth posting my back-dated QOTW's for your amusement. Here's where it all started:
Discussion Question of the Week: God comes down to you one day and reveals to you a glimpse of the future - your future, 20 years from now. In it, you are sitting in an armchair, watching a Canadian rules football game intently on a satellite TV. You are decked out in gear of your favorite team, and cheering rabidly. Your future is one of obsession with the CFL. God explains to you that this future is unavoidable - no matter what you do between now and then, this future will come true. God disappears. Pondering this strange turn of events, you turn on the TV - which is tuned to ESPN Ocho and showing a CFL game. Do you watch it?
Discussion Question of the Week: God comes down to you one day and reveals to you a glimpse of the future - your future, 20 years from now. In it, you are sitting in an armchair, watching a Canadian rules football game intently on a satellite TV. You are decked out in gear of your favorite team, and cheering rabidly. Your future is one of obsession with the CFL. God explains to you that this future is unavoidable - no matter what you do between now and then, this future will come true. God disappears. Pondering this strange turn of events, you turn on the TV - which is tuned to ESPN Ocho and showing a CFL game. Do you watch it?
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